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But I'd be lying if I said there weren't several occasions where I've thought I was meeting someone for the first time, only to realize that I've crossed paths with them — or their trans* partner — before.(Admittedly, this might say more about the queer social bubble I hang out in than about partners of trans folks generally.) 3. Unless we've invited you to be a part of our sexy times, I don't have any interest in offering you a play-by-play of how my spouse and I get down.And no, I'm not going to tell you what his junk looks like. But we would rather field your inappropriate questions than have you invade our partner's privacy.I've often been told that trans folks get really tired of being a walking, talking, breathing encyclopedia on everything trans.Which makes sense, because sexual orientation — who you want to go to bed with — and gender identity — who you want to go to bed as — are totally different things. In my experience, that's extended to even mundane relationship discussions that have nothing to do with my partner's transition — and which actually comprise the bulk of issues I'd want to vent at friends about.
Those of us who have weathered these seasonal, emotional storms have likely found that the truth lies somewhere in between two partners' equally biased opinions.
I'm slowly starting to realize that my readiness to anger is about witnessing discrimination with which I'm personally unfamiliar: I've never had someone tell me I was in the "wrong" bathroom, for example, or that I didn't "look" like the gender I identify as. As far as I know, there is no secret trans person communication group that serves to connect and introduce everyone under the trans* umbrella to one another.
So I get inordinately worked up and ready to defend my partner's honor, even when he would rather just go about his day, letting whatever slight it was roll off his back. (Then again, if there were, this cis woman wouldn't be privy to that group.) Consequently, as The Good Men Project correctly asserted, not all trans people know each other.
OK, so maybe my opinion is biased, but I dare you to find other partners of trans folks who don't agree with this point.
There is something special about loving someone who is so secure in who they are — someone who often faced down demons to affirm and proclaim their authentic identity.