And you’ll get tired of dating If you’re making plans with every match who shares your love of coffee and running, you’re bound to get overwhelmed pretty quickly.“People swipe too much, especially millennials,” says Goldstein.Don’t go in to every encounter wondering if it’s going to lead to a white dress and a joint checking account—putting that kind of pressure on your love life is the fastest route to burnout, according Goldstein.“If you expect everybody to be your soulmate, you get bummed out—and at the end, you walk away unhappy.” There’s nothing wrong with looking for a forever kind of relationship (online or off), but it’s important to stay curious and prioritize a good time while you’re on the hunt.“It’s very common.” If you’ve been afflicted with dating-induced exhaustion, adopting that homebody lifestyle is definitely a solution.But Goldstein insists a swipe-right strike isn’t the only answer.Right off the bat she had scoped out a profile she really liked and emailed him. Why do guys keep doing this and not following through??? Listening, I felt the same here-we-go-again feeling. And the kicker is, while she was spending all her energy on a relationship that never existed, she wasn’t responding to the dozens of men in her inbox waiting for her attention. Now let me guess the guy’s side of this: “Oh, she was nice and kinda pretty. Remember, the purpose of dating is to DISCOVER whether he’s your guy, not to DECIDE if he’s your guy. It isn’t about getting him to like you or making him fit your expectations.He seemed interested, attentive and pretty fabulous on paper. When they met in real life, he complimented her generously, told her he felt so lucky to have met her, and talked about doing lots of things together. He had long story for why each time and professed his interest and desire to be with her again. By the time Sue and I connected, this entire story had transpired. You know: rumination hell, where we gals can’t help but go. Sue was emotionally drained, and her dating confidence was in the dumps. And then those words I hate to hear started coming: Why does this always happen? Not only did Sue lose three weeks of potential fun dates, but she burned herself out and brought herself to the verge of giving up on finding love…all over a guy she never knew.
This week I spoke with my client, “Sue,” who recently entered the online dating world. Maybe he just has too much going on in his life right now…should I tell him I’ll wait? You’ve gone out with about 10 guys in the past several months, and this disappearing act has happened twice. And the major, most important answer I gave her was this: You will never know what happened. After one date she jumped in HEART first…and created her own crash and burn drama. Ladies, it would help you to approach dating a little more like the guys. It’ll be cool to see her and get to know a little about her.” And if what he learns doesn’t knock his socks off, he may get waylaid if something shiny comes along.Make sure to say you had a great time and would love to see the person again, if that’s really the case.Because in a dating world with limitless options, playing hard-to-get might mean you’re being overlooked.Take a second to let this sink in: The average Tinder user spends around 90 minutes per day (! That’s almost 12 hours a week—a part-time job, basically.That stat doesn’t even count time spent, you know, actually going out with all those suitors.(It’s a hard truth, but a valuable one.) “Maybe you’re interviewing the person or talking too much about work—those are huge turnoffs,” she says. “A lot of times, girls don’t want to show too much excitement.But then, their date thinks, ‘Oh, she wasn’t in to me, I don’t want to bother.’” The fix?That way, should the meet-up turn out to be a dud, you didn’t waste much time—and if you left right when things were heating up, you’ll both be that much more excited to see each other again.There are many reasons why your dates might all end in crickets—but while you can’t control a lot of them, there is one you do have power over: yourself.In her experience, many of the best relationships didn’t start with fireworks on night one. People really need to give dates more than one shot—especially women.” Her advice: If you find someone attractive and have fun with them, make plans to see each other again.“People have seen a few too many fairy tales, and they believe they’re going to go on a date with someone and know it’s their person,” she says. (Yes, even if they don’t check off every box on your perfect partner list.) “Otherwise, you’ll go through so many people that you’re not going to get anywhere,” she says.